Which Factors Matter More than Passion in a Relationship

3 min readFeb 28, 2021

By Jessica Peng (two-time top-selling author in Taiwan)

In a romantic relationship, the one who makes you feel comfortable sometimes doesn’t lead you to a good situation. This is because the danger of the comfort zone is not moving forward. One side or both sides of the relationship do not have the incentive to explore new things in life.

Why would a relationship not work even though both partners are passionate about each other?

This problem is especially common for people who like partners that can sweet talk. Those adoring compliments allow their partners to stay in the happy comfort zone but sometimes that comfort zone is not right. An example is if a person is messy and doesn’t like to clean the room. When the partner is spoiled, he/she will sweet talk to their partner that it is not essential to clean your room. For sure, there’s less work to do so the partner is happy to hear it, but the result will be a lack of organization for the home.

This is why some women or men fall on the wrong partner. The reason is that a lousy partner makes you feel “comfortable”.

Even though I always suggest the reader look for a partner with who you feel comfortable. I also emphasize that comfort has to contain a positive lifestyle.

Here I can provide the following suggestions to help examine your relationship and see whether the love between you and your partner is suitable?

1. In the relationship, you should clearly distinguish what is real caring behaviour from partners and what is not?

In a romantic relationship, sometimes a partner’s “care” is misinterpreted as “interference”. Sometimes the partner’s “intervention” feels like “care”.

This situation is mainly because each person has a different perception of other people’s concerns. So, the behaviour of caring can easily be misinterpreted as interference. On the contrary, some people have interfered with their partner’s life and career and interfered with their friends’ time. This is wrongful behaviour, but the partner still firmly believes the action is called “concern”.

2. The caring behavior’s intention should be based on real care.

Everything is two-sided. You may be tired of your partner repeating themselves because it reminds you of your parents nagging. This behaviour could be interpreted as annoying, but it is actually caring. The right partner may not always tell you the things you want to hear, rather they will tell you the things you need to hear.

In order to distinguish the potential motivation of the partner’s behaviour, an easy way is to tell by your “feeling”. For example, when your partner talks to you, do you feel hurt or feel put down by the partner. If you receive a negative feeling from your partner’s words and behaviour, you should know your partner is not suitable for you in the long run.

Remember, when a person truly loves you, the energy transmitted to you must be “positive”.

When a person always makes you feel inadequate or worthless, such a person is not suitable for you.

3. Make sure you and your partner’s thinking are on the same page.

Regarding the attraction of love, ideal and reality are different!

It is easy to mistake the other person’s sweet words as the attractive qualities that make you fall in love.

Many people fall in love with the wrong partner because they don’t know how to distinguish “care” and “sweet talk”.

Sometimes, a person may have already realized the partner is not the right one, but due to staying in the comfort zone with the partner for a long time, they will lack the courage to break up with the partner. So, day by day, the passion from the earlier in the relationship is dismissed.

**This article was previously published in Babyou Magazine in 2020

**If you know Mandarin, you can read my book『戀愛脫單魅力學』（時報出版）

**The links to this book are listed below.《戀愛脫單魅力學》

Worldwide:

【亞馬遜 Amazon.com】『戀愛脫單魅力學』

https://www.amazon.ca/s?k=戀愛單身魅力學&ref=nb_sb_noss

Taiwan:

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